Rent-A-Boyfriend
by Yubel
Summary: It all started when Gilbert said," Birdie you need to get laid." Now Matthew is left trying to handle his 'boyfriend' Alfred F. Jones while making sure his best friend, Ivan, doesn't kill said 'boyfriend'. Oh and there's this creepy British boy attempting to murder Matthew via death chants. Contains: USCan, RusCan, USUK and slight PrusCan


_Yubel- Hmmm this story was made via procrastination; I'm not so sure what to think of that. On the other hand, I love Canada he's so adorable }:)._

_Disclaimer- No I certainly don't own Hetalia thank Gog._

There were some days when Matthew wished he'd never socialize with others. Today would just so happen to be one of those days. Why did he have to open his mouth and say anything? He's usually a pro at keeping his mouth shut but no. He supposed he could just blame it on Gilbert for starting the argument anyway but Matthew couldn't bring himself to blame his red-eyed friend. It was his own stupid mouth that got him into it.

* * *

It all started when Gilbert said ," Birdie you need to get laid."

The two teenagers were already well into their Junior year of high school which Prom approaching on the horizon. Gilbert, the ever outgoing German, barely once went a day without mentioning Matthew's love life so, it wasn't too odd for this conversation to be happening. Matthew never knew if it was simply Gilbert just being obsessed with him or being a good friend by making sure his shy friend didn't die a virgin though either way it really bugged Matthew. He'd never complain though. His group of friends was so few already he wouldn't want to make one mad just because he spoke without thinking.

" Excuse me?," Matthew asked with a tilt of his head.

" Don't pretend you didn't hear my awesome voice, you need to get laid; you're always so uptight," Gilbert repeated.

Matthew sighed to himself. So maybe he was never big on relationships? It wasn't such a big deal, or atleast it shouldn't be.

" I don't want to," Matthew said simply.

" Come on Birdie, have you ever even been in a relationship?," Gilbert asked.

If Matthew was being honest he'd been in only one, if you could really call it a relationship. Her name was Katyusha, one of his friend's sisters. They were a nice fit from the moment they met with Matthew taking an admiration to Katyusha's kindness and soft personality. Barely a year passed before Matthew realized they just wouldn't work out. Maybe Katyusha saw it before himself, that girls just wouldn't do it.

Relationship or not though Gilbert was starting to get on his nervous. He thought maybe just a little white lie would shut the other up?

" I have," Matthew started," in fact I'm in one right now."

Gilbert looked taken back for just a moment, but soon he leaned back in with a smirk playing across his lips.

"Really Birdie? And why have I not heard of this?," Gilbert countered.

" I'm not one to brag about those kind of things, you know that," Matthew said lying through his teeth.

" Uh huh oh yeah. Then when can I meet him?," Gilbert smiled.

Okay maybe a little white lie doesn't actually get him out of anything. It maybe didn't help that said white lie was much bigger than a white lie.

Matthew tried to sputter out a response. He couldn't manage any actual words besides I or he or the occasional what. Gilbrrt laughed and gave a slap to Matthew's back.

" Don't worry about it just bring them to prom that'll do it don't you think?," Gilbert challenged.

Matthew mutely nodded.

* * *

" Telling a lie Matvey?," a silver haired boy named Ivan smiled.

" I didn't mean to...it just came out. I just wanted Gilbert to shut up," Matthew said hugging his stuffed polar bear to his chest.

" Da I understand. Sometimes I imagine staples on his mouth," Ivan said.

The two sat on Matthew's bed thumbing though random comic books. Ivan was Matthew's closest friend who transferred from Russia some years ago. When he'd started school with Matthew, Ivan easily towered over most students in school plus said quite a few off putting things. This made him one of the most feared and avoided kids in the school. Honestly Matthew hadn't wanted to interact with Ivan either, in fear he'd end up dead in a ditch, but they eventually bonded over hockey of all things.

" So what's your plan?," Ivan asked.

" Plan? There's no plan it's obvious I was lying so what's the point?," Matthew questioned.

Ivan shrugged," You could always ask a friend."

" Yeah...but that's only Gil and...well you," Matthew said looking a bit hopeful.

" Matvey you know I'd love to take to you to prom. You could become one with me da~," Russia said then his face turned sour," though I've already been forc- I mean my little sister asked me already."

Matthew should of seen that one coming. Natalia wouldn't pass up an opportunity to spend time with her 'dearest brother' even if meant tying him to a chair and carrying him with her. On another note Matthew wondered if he should start worrying for Ivan's safety when it came Natalia?

" Non I cannot take this conversation one minute longer!," yelled a voice from Matthew's doorway. A blonde haired man practically flew to the two and threw his arms around Matthew's body.

" Mon poor Matthieu being forced to turn to such lengths for a date," The man cried.

The blonde boy sat awkwardly not sure what to do with the other. The blonde man was Francis, his older brother. Really they weren't related though seeing as Matthew was adopted though, that never seemed to matter to Francis. On the downside though Francis was...well...he was a bit a of...he was just promiscuous, yeah we'll go with that.

" If you needed a date you should have came to moi, not this brute," Francis took a moment to pass a glare to Ivan," we could have gone through my job."

"...job?," Matthew and Ivan repeated unsure.

Matthew wasn't one to dabble in his brother's job. He ran a host club of sorts. Women and men can come eat while enjoying themselves in the company of beautiful people. Matthew thought he had heard of a few times where they sometimes acted like escorts.

" Oui! I could employ one of the workers of course only the finest for mon petite Matthieu," Francis said.

Francis went on to talk about his genius plan. Matthew looked toward Ivan for help but the Russian only gave him a look that screamed you're not getting yourself out of this one.

Just what exactly has he gotten himself into?


End file.
